So this was what happened today.

We settled our costume in the afternoon. Nothing much to say cuz I'm not that into fashion and the stylist, Vik, well honestly speaking he didn't impress me. FYI, I've seen Taiwan top stylist. LOL. (sound like a *britch) After the session with Vik, I crashed into Brit's singing lesson! Hmm, I seldom see this look of hers, she was actually shy and embarrassed by my presence (this time it's different=.=") and she didn't want to sing in front of me. Well, she had no right to chase me out of the room and so she started singing.

Erm... It sounded good la. That was quite a well-written song.

Then in the evening Suffian sms me to ask if I wanted to go Fitness First to gym gym and of course I said yes and we asked Andre to go along. WOW. It was amazing working out in a well-equipped gym. Haven't gone to such place since 8 months ago and that means, I've not been working out for 8 bloody months. Oh gosh, I really think Suffian and Andre could become personal trainers cuz the exercises they made me do were so tiring. Although I did very badly, they would say (in a trainer's tone) "Good! Well done!" ... After that I headed to the sky pool and swam a few laps and oh, it was so relaxing and I enjoyed it so much.

Thanks Suffian.

And now comes the real stuff. I broke down during rehearsals. I gotta admit I had a few tears brimming in my eyes, LOL, but I wasn't really crying.
Shocking?

The rehearsal started after Suffian, Andre and I got back from Holland Village. Suffian did this visualization exercise with us. He asked us to close our eyes and imagine our own characters... visualize. It was funny at the beginning but slowly I saw something. HAHAHA. Actually I felt something la. Cuz there's this scene where I gotta be apologetic and the word "sorry" just kept on appearing in my mind when I closed my eyes. Then after this I started to feel unhappy. N' my fucking ears were turning red. Maybe that's the moment when I really got into the character. As we started acting, everything went ok until Act One Scene 3 which was the scene I'd been visualizing. Hmm, my way of acting was bad and boring and I could feel that too. We repeated the scene a few times and I got really frustrated. Not by anyone but by myself. I thought I was wasting others' time and all sorts of negative stuff just struck my mind. I hated Romeo and I just didn't want to say his loser lines and I just looked blank (as described by Suffian) while acting. Then Suffian asked me to act that scene in an angry way. Oh, I guess I did it quite well cuz Juliet (Khad) said I (Zhi Yi not Romeo) was really fierce.

And then the directors went on to explain to me about bringing real emotions from past experiences into my acting and stuff. While listening, I was trying to control myself and pay attention to them but I could feel something in me. I thought I was gonna, fuck I don't want to use that word cry... Oh, I thought I was gonna lose control. The room was so damn quiet and I really hoped Britney would make some jokes or bitchy comments to break the ice but unfortunately she didn't and I just sat there helplessly. Then one of the directors (Sam, assistant director) suddenly said to me "You're making progress you know" and that just totally killed me. So I asked if they could stop and Suffian gave us a 2 min break.

Then I went out of the room to take some real deep breath. LOL. I finally got myself calm after a while. Then I started to think what had happened back in the room, the acting, the feeling, the comments and all. Hmm, I thought I was too deep into the character but I wasn't showing it right cuz all I'd been doing were: sorry, blank, bored, sorry.

I'd missed out one very important part of it, love.

I love Juliet.
But I wasn't showing it at all.

So I went to toilet and washed my eyes a bit so that the others wouldn't see that they were red. N' when I opened the door before I stepped into the rehearsal room, I faked a smile, LOL, just to show that I was totally ok then.

And then I did that scene again with Khad and finally, I did something slightly different and well, slightly better. And Suffian ended the night with a not-so-convincing-super-satisfied look on his face. Err, I was pretty sure he was just being very kind and trying to encourage us thou we (I actually mean "I" here) weren't really up to standard yet but again, just like I said before, he could really be some personal gym trainer. (One who encourages his/her customer when the customer couldn't even raise the legs properly) HAHAHA.

Then andre said

"Zhi Yi's reached an epiphany"

Well, thank you but I think I've got so much more to learn so let's hope I'll keep on getting more sudden realization of the essence or meaning of acting.

LOL. Gosh, this is a fucking long blog entry!

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